I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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