The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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