Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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