I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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