I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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