i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize