Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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