If that was your dad, he is hot
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
