Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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