put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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