I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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