You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
