You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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