this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
