OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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