Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
