how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
