the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
