Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
