I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
