He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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