While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
