I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
