His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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