She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
