just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
