Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
