So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
