I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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