the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
