No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The air was thick with penises
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
