just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
