he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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