and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
