remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
