He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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