you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
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