U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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