Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
