Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
