I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
