Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
