I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
