if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
