apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
