Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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