Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize