How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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