I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Say something about gay babies.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
