It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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