I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
