Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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